Does your spouse come 1st?

   So here's a question that I've been pondering since I've had kids. Does (or should) your spouse come 1st? I have a hard time wanting to put him first, and I'm sure he has a hard time putting me first. For me, my kids have come 1st. I recently read an article on Baby Center about putting your spouse 1st. One of the things that makes it hard is going out on a date (just the two of us). 1st we would have to schedule it, then find a sitter, who we trust, and then we have to pay for the night out and for the sitter. Doesn't sound hard, right? Well, it is. I have a really hard time trusting someone else to keep my kids and worry that something bad will happen while I'm away. So I think, is it worth it to go on a date and risk something bad happening just so we can enjoy our dinners without interruption or sharing food with a messy toddler? And Daniel has a hard time fronting the money for a sitter and dinner. Both of our kids go to bed around 7, why can't we talk and put each other 1st during that time? So far, we usually just zone out in front of the TV or surf the internet, and I usually finish cleaning the dishes from dinner during that time. The last thing I want to do is put someone else at the top of my priorities after I've been putting my kids 1st all day long.
    So, I'm not proud of this by any means, but here's the deal, Daniel and I have spent 2 nights out by ourselves in the last 2 or 3 years. Both of the times on our anniversary. We've passed up opportunities to go out b/c we don't have family that lives close by, and we don't use a sitter. One of those dates, we left AnnElise with Daniel's mom right after she was born. The second we left AE and Hardy with a couple from small group that lives pretty close to us. We came back and both said, we should do it more often, but I have a feeling that we won't.
   We hadn't planned either of our kids, SURPRISE, so we didn't have the fun travel stuff before. I'm OK with that. But, now I'm really starting to get to the point where I'd love to travel and leave them some with family. Most of the time, thinking about leaving them stresses me out. Will family stick to their schedules, do they know that AnnElise has absolutely no fear and will do dangerous things if left alone for even a minute, will Hardy be easy enough to leave behind? Hardy is difficult to figure out even for me. Any time that I manage to get away, I leave them with Daniel b/c he's the next best thing. And let's face it, when I want to get away, I want to focus on me for once. So, it seems that I've been putting Daniel dead last b/c its the easiest thing to do, and its what we've become comfortable with. I mean, he's old enough to take care of himself, the kids need things. They can't make their own bottles or read themselves a book. With that being said, how do we start putting each other 1st without abandoning our kids' needs and our own? (I never realized how much I appreciate being alone until I started considering a trip to the grocery store my "me" time. Seriously, I even use the bathroom with the kids (AE plays in the sink), and I put Hardy in the bouncy seat when I take showers.)

Are there actually parents out there who truly put their relationship above their kids, especially young kids?